“Ms Pamella Underson, please understand that our health insurance company does not have any policy for turtles.
“Our health insurance company sells policies only to humans.” The health insurance company executive told Pamela who had walked into their office with her pet turtle, who was suffering from gastric problems.
“Money, money, money! Humans, humans, humans! Is that all you insurance companies can think of!
“Listen Mr. company executive! My turtle is letting out gas by the minute and I suspect he's got a stomach ailment. He needs care and love. Love, I can give him, and plenty of kinky love too!
“But I need care, Mr. Health Care executive! Look, you must understand, this turtle whom I love, this @#$%ing turtle has let out so much gas since the last two days, that I have to hold my nose the whole day and that's why I can't breathe properly!
“Yesterday, I got a call from my insurance company and they said that I was inhaling on too many oxygen cylinders! Now, I've developed full frontal sinusitis! Please help me!” Pamela pleaded.
“So how come I don't smell anything bad coming out of the turtle right now, Ms. Underson?” The company executive enquired.
“That's because I haven't given this dork anything to eat since morning, Mr Health Executive! I'm smart that way!”
“What's his diet by the way, Ms. Underson?”
“Beans, cauliflower, mayonnaise and raw pigeon egg yolks, Mr health insurance company executive! And, that's none of your #$%^ing business!”
“Ms. Underson, I think I know why the turtle is letting out so much stinky gas. Do this. Change his diet. From now on make him eat chopped silkworms, greased caviar, grasshoppers and chlorinated fungus. Trust me, I've written a turtle bestseller, Turtle Soup For The Heart!”
“Oh, is that so, Mr. Insurance Plan Company Executive, I shall do what you say. Thanks and beddy-bye!”. Pamela said and walked out, completely satisfied.